Ramblings after a Rough Night

Everyone asks "How's she doing?" and we say "Fantastic". Honestly to date, the adjustment has gone way better than we could have hoped. She seems settled and happy. She's eating well, playing well, and until last night, sleeping well.

Remember my frustrations with regression? I thought we had it in the bag. I know it's early - KNOW in my head that it's VERY early and there's lots of time for issues to arise in the near and distant futures. But knowing that doesn't help me in the middle of the night.

Wen went down last night with the typical weak resistance. I went in and assured her a few times, but she fell asleep in less than an hour. At around 1030 Steve heard her wake up and he brought her down. He said he brought her down b/c she was wide awake and fussing when he tried to leave, but by that point (less than 5 minutes later) she was falling asleep in our bed. SO, we both took her back up and I spent nearly an hour trying to settle her. She'd fuss a bit, I'd assure her she was fine and say I'd be right back and go back in a few minutes later. Unfortunately her door squeaks and I'm sure there were a few times she was actually dozed off when I "checked on her" and woke her up. URG! (That's first on Steve's list of things to do today). Eventually, she woke up more and started to really cry. By the time we reacted, PJ was awake and crying too. I tucked PJ back in, settled AnnaWen down (mostly so PJ didn't know my plan) and when Tink was asleep, I took my wide awake girl back down to our bed.

I know we had planned to allow her to sleep in our bed for a while, that's what we thought she'd need and why we justified buying the King bed in August. But now that she's been doing so well, I'm doubting the need. I feel terribly guilty about it, but I don't want her sleeping with us every night. Once in a while one of the Munsters is sick or scared, and bringing them into our bed is a cozy extra snuggle time, but every night...

In the run of the day we spend time working or home with the kids, running all over to activities and play dates, playing in the house, refereeing arguments and answering rediculous questions. There's always noise - playing, yelling, tv or radio, crying, laughing, pointless noises just to make noise... and while it's everything we've dreamt of, it's exhausting. When the kids go to bed, often Steve and I do too. We turn out the lights in our room, crawl under the warm covers with the pup and watch tv or read or play computers. It's warm, quiet and peaceful. I'm a terrible sleeper, and half the reason I sleep poorly is I stay awake too late at night, but I hate to "waste" that Me Time by sleeping it away. When I finally do go to sleep, I curl up as close to Steve as I can get (he's usually long asleep by then) and doze off in his warmth. I know it's selfish, but I so don't want to give that up.

In one of the adoption courses we took, they impressed upon us that it's important not to attribute every behaviour to the adoption. I see the same thing in working with children who have autism. Often a behaviour appears and the parent assumes it's b/c of autism that the behaviour is expressed, when in fact, the child is just acting his age. A mom was frustrated because she had to hold her autistic three year old's hand in the parking lot to keep him safe - that's not autism, that's being three. Likewise, in the seminar, they said a behaviour may be typical for the child's developmental stage and have nothing to do with the adoption. Treating it as an issue stemming from an adoption therefore, would be the wrong approach.

So the question becomes, was Wen's reluctance to go to bed last night Being Two or Being Adopted? I'm experienced in parenting Being Two, and I know what happens when they get what they want through negative behaviours (crying, whining, tantruming, etc). I have less experience with Being Adopted, but I've read a lot on it. If it was Being Adopted then maybe she'll need to sleep with us for a while. If it was Being Two, I do not want to teach her that all she has to do to get out of going to bed is fuss a little, maybe wake up her sister and she gets a free pass.

I know I sound terribly ungrateful bitching about this, and selfish to feel this way in the first place. She's healthy and happy and doing so well, a small set back in sleep independence is such a tiny problem. Let's face it, either way she'll be in her own bed by the time she heads to university so if it is an issue, it'll be relatively short lived. But still. I'm hoping it was just a rough night, like any two year old has, and tonight she'll go back to sleeping well through the night in her own bed...

N