Too Little, Too Late

I'd say one of my biggest disappointments in life is the way that my razor sharp sarcasm in most every situation leaves me completely in moments of confrontation - I never have a good comeback when it counts. Oh sure, there are tonnes taunting me several minutes later when I think "I should have said..."

So this list is dedicated to the "lady" I parked beside at the grocery store. It was raining, I pulled into a small spot, and while I admit there was little room between her van and mine, there WAS room to get in and out of the side doors, she COULD have fit in her driver door, and ALL FOUR of my tires were WELL within my parking spot boundaries. SO, when she responded to my patient waiting for her to load her kid so I can load mine with "You didn't leave me much room you know", I failed to say more than a mumbled "sorry 'bout that". Fuck I'm not sorry in the least, and I should have said:

I wanted to challenge you
Ah com'on you can do it
That's not my car, I'm just enjoying watching you struggle
Maybe you shouldnt' have bought the cookies
I'm in my spot, the rest is your problem
Do you really want to start with me right here right now?
Stand in line, complaints processed in order of submission
Can I see your credentials? you know the ones that give you the right to bitch
Oh, sorry, you have mistaken me for someone who cares (not original, but funny)
I parked there last night, what time did you arrive?

... and the perfect fit for all occasions, simple and sweet, to the point:

"Fuck off".

N