Unchained Melody, without the Melody

I'm kinda sick of blogging. Kinda sick of pictures too, which is very very odd for me. I'm sure it's burn out from the trip, mixed with a little jetlag, and I'm sure it'll come around, but until then I haven't managed to develop any of the random thoughts bouncing around in my head into a cohesive topic to post. So... some uncompleted thoughts:

Xiao Jie. Paxten Julia has many nicknames, but among the most common is Little Miss. I bought a book in China for $4 about Chinese characters and how specific ones evolved from pictographs into the modern character. One of the first discussed is the character for "little", 小, and the first example of the use of little was 小姐, which means... "Little Miss". Goosebumps? And a nickname is born.

Fate. Speaking of goosebumps... Wen and I had a quiet couple of hours together this afternoon, working on playing and talking. I watched her and was hit by the realization of how perfect she was. I wondered how I could have ever have questioned the referral, or been worried that she may not be okay or enough or right. I'm awed at how NORMAL it feels, like she's been with us forever and we're just where we're meant to be. I had worried that her arrival would turn our family upsidedown and disturb the balance we had found as five but somehow the changes she has brought have made us more right, more complete, more more, not less. So blessed.

China. I miss China. During the journey, I heard other adoptive parents say they felt like China was a home to them and that they missed it. To be honest, I thought it was a little rediculous. How can you miss a place that you only visited briefly? How can you consider it to be home? But now I get it. I don't think you can get it without living it, and now I get it. To me, China will always be a home in a way, and the people part of our family. A home we hope to return to some day, but it'll never be enough. I've gained AnnaWen, but the cost is a hurt in my heart for a place I've fallen in love with but where I will never be able to be. If I feel like that, I wonder what Wen will feel for it?

Silent Girl. Wen will still babble from time to time, but we're hearing less and less of her running speech. I'm surprized and saddened at how quickly it has happened. She is silent much of the time, even when she cries, it's silent. She's like a mime, though, her face and hands can express so much more than what many others can with their words and voice. It's truly remarkable. Her faces of excitement and joy are hilarious and infectious, but her eyes can be cold and hateful too, which breaks my heart. I force myself to remember that while she is my daughter, to her I am a stranger who waltzed into her life and started bossing her around - what would you say if someone did that to you? She has started to use some words... she uses "bu" and "no" together (bu means no in Mandarin). Being two in two languages is something to behold "NO! BU! NO! BU!" She has pointing at Rookie and saying "PUPPY!" and definitely knows what shoes are - she is Tink's sister after all.

And speaking of Tink... I realized yesterday that she has NO warm clothes that fit her. Until this point, we've been lucky enough to have built her wardrobe by donation - several friends who have older girls have given Paxten most of the clothes she has worn since she was a newborn. She was given a closet of dresses, but needed jeans and pants to wear on colder days, so I stopped in to look at the sale racks at The Children's Place and found some good deals - 2 jeans, 2 sweats, 2 yoga pants and a shirt to match for less than $100. The point? Guess what size? 4T.

Blog Title. It's time for a new title. We have found Anna, and are moving forward with our family. I want to continue with the story, but have the focus drift more to the family now that we are complete.

And for your special entertainment tonight, a contribution from a local freelance writer, Miss Abigale Sampson, the calico: rfedddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddnb mbbbbbbb34',k7u6IGT%8bu

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