Easter and Belief

For the last week, I've been convinced Anna's file is being reviewed by CB in preparation for being matched to us. Today, I heard through the cyber-grapevine that CB has not yet received the profiles their doctor consultant completes from the translated files, but that they expect them "next week". It's been "next week" for two or three weeks now. I wonder how much is premeditated spoonfuls of wait instead of tossing out the full wait time all at once, but then realize how conspiratory that sounds. Next week it is.

And today I had doubts. For a few weeks now, I've been convinced Annie's file was being reviewed by CB in preparation for matching her to us... and today I'm not sure. As all those I've convinced with arguments, stats and half-facts try to reassure me This Is It, I'm suddenly not so sure.

This afternoon, driving to work, the boys picked a line out of a song on the radio that said "it's hard to believe". This spurred a very interesting discussion between them about what is hard to believe, and what they know is true. According to my sons, angels are real, even though some people find that hard to believe. They know it's true because Sammy is now an angel. How sweet that their Truth is so pure and uncluttered by "science" and "fact" to just Believe. They believe in Santa, the Easter Bunny and Jesus, because they're told it's so. It's reasonable to them that a rodent can circumvent the world in a night, leaving behind chocolate and treats. It's reasonable that an old man in a red suit is probably still sleeping off his exhaustion from his Christmas travels. They simply know that our Sam is Up There playing with thier friend Sam. They know that Easter is when Jesus died, and was brought back to life by God - though Safety Steve has reiterated that ONLY Jesus can do that trick, they still need to be careful. They know that Annie is coming, not this Easter, but soon - and this without us telling them at all about the latest developments in our adoption journey. They know they are safe and loved and that everything will be fine, because we tell them so, even if we doubt it ourselves. Some day I wish I could just turn off my mind and Believe, just quietly Know without questioning, rationalizing, justifying, analyzing...

N