One of my biggest fears as a parent, and specifically as a parent in partnership with Steve, is that we push our own obsession of sports on our kids. You know, the whole second try at our own dreams through our children's sports careers thing. While we joke that our retirement plan is developing a child to be a well-paid, well-sponsored professional athlete, the reality is our poor kids don' t have a snowball's hope in hell coming from our gene pool. But even knowing their likelihood of athletic greatness is nil, we still want the Munsters to participate in and grow to genuinely love sports for all the skills developed besides curveballs and hookshots. Fair play, perseverance, sportsmanship, work ethic, active lifestyle, problem solving, spacial skills, leadership, commitment, team play, blah blah blah blah blah. So it is important to encourage their participation without pressuring and badgering them into it.
Tonight when I picked the kids up from daycares I was already late, so the plan was to drop the girls off to Steve and take the boys to skating. At first mention of skating Jack started crying and whining, saying he didn't want to go. At that point, one choice could have been to say "okay, if you don't want to go, you don't have to" but that works against much of my parenting instinct including teaching commitment and reinforcement of appropriate behaviour. We went to the rink, I even managed to get him dressed in skates, helmet, gloves and splash pants, but I couldn't force him to go on the ice and he was physically refusing to go. I was at a loss for a "natural consequence" on the spot, so I resorted to telling him I was disappointed that he was choosing to quit, sat him on the stairs and tossed his bag down beside him while telling him to get undressed and went to sit in the stands and cool off. I was MAD. Though sitting there stewing I wasn't sure what I was mad about. I was angry at his tantrum, his refusal to tell me WHY he didnt' want to go (he said he hated skating, always hated skating and never wanted to go back, which just wasn't true). I was angry he didn't go on the ice like I told him... he's beginning to realize we really CAN'T force him to do something he doesn't want to do, and has announced that brazingly several times. To that I respond with "you're right, but your choices will have consequences that you may or may not like".
So where do I go from here? I certainly don't want to FORCE him to put on his skates each week, and I don't want a repeat of that scene (I'm sure the parents think I'm some insane hockey mom without the hockey). But for me allowing him to quit outright is unacceptable. He wanted to join skating. He enjoyed it for weeks - and I guess it's just as likely he'll go back happily next week as not and have a blast. It's a basic skill I think he needs, not life saving like swimming, but certainly important for a Canadian boy to learn. After it all, when he heard me apologize to Elliot when Elliot said he was hungry, Jack said he only didnt' want to go on the ice because he was hungry and was worried he wouldn't do well. Honestly, I think that's a smart lie and nothing more... time will tell. When I asked him what he was going to do next week he said he wants to go skating... again, we'll see.
So far, the only plan of action I have is to try and get out skating with the boys outside of class. Even while crying and saying he hated skating, he also said he wanted to go to a free-skate with Elliot and I. Maybe he's worried he's not doing well and giving him extra ice time with me will give him some confidence?
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