Identities

I think as we go through our time here on this planet we all morph from one identity to another. Even those people who are celebrated as "never changing" have to do some adjusting to the changing environment around them.



Some of my identities have been and will continue to be life long appointments; daughter, sister, friend - my oldest and dearest friend has been a part of me for 25 years. Some identities are new additions; wife, professional, mother. These identities are both independent of each other and greatly influenced by each other. I know my Good Mother skills are derived directly from my experience of being a Daughter, learned by example, I know that I'm a much better clinician since having my own children (and my clients take me more seriously).



I didn't feel my role changed much from Mom of One to Mom of Two or Mom of Three. It admittingly did shift when I went from Mom of Boys to Mom of a Girl (eek!). Having multiple children and children of each gender, I didn't anticipate much of a change in becoming Mom of Four or Adoptive Mom and so I've been surprized by just how different it is. The difference is so profound that my children call me by a different name; while I was Mommy to Three, I am now Momma to four. All four of the Munsters call me Momma now.



My three bio home grown Munsters are walking, talking Miracles. Even in their most obnoxious moments I am awed by their complexity, their intelligence, strength, empathy, individualism that makes it obvious to me they are Gifts from a most gracious Source (well, maybe I don't have that realization IN those obnoxious moments, but sometime shortly after). I don't approach that sense of gift casually and I do feel a great amount of responsibility in that light. Somehow, though, I feel even more responsibility for the Gift that is AnnaWen. In many ways she is the same sort of miracle as her brothers and sister having survived the vulnerable prenatal existance, the traumatic process of birth, the frail first weeks of life... but then she survived so much more than any child should; abandonment, upheaval, change of her entire world - not once but at least twice. Now she's home safe with us, forever. I am indebted to her first family, to her caretakers in Lanzhou, to the Chinese authorities who kept her safe, and healthy until they entrusted her to us. I am responsible to her and to them to keep her safe, provide her the opportunity to be happy and whole. As Mommy, I didn't expect or understand this change in my parenting approach. Becoming Momma has enveloped a deeper appreciation, responsibility, commitment and effort, not to mention the Chinese title for mother, a gentle reminder of from where my gift has come.



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