Dinner Table Discussion

Tonight was a milestone for the Sampson family - no more highchair! PJ has graduated to a booster, perched on the chair that bears her name "Paxten". Jack and Elliot pushed all the other chairs around the table so that each of us sat in our own respectively engraved chair in the right spots. Aside from the rearranged seats, dinner was uneventful until, somewhere between spaghetti and toaster strudel dessert Elliot turns to me and asks, "Mommy? Why do you have ANOTHER baby in your tummy?". The question took me off guard... One of the daycare moms is due in April with a second baby, so I'm sure there's lots of talk. I started to ask "What makes you think I have a baby in my belly?" but remembering the brutal honesty of a two year old, I thought better. When I denied the occupancy of my belly, Jack argued "But Mom, what about ANNIE?"

And what do you say to that?

My reply, "Annie is in another mommy's belly. She'll be born far away, but her mommy and daddy won't be able to take care of her, so Daddy and I will go get her and bring her home so we can take care of her." HA. THERE. The perfect response - just enough truth for two and four year olds, not a lot of the sad details. I'm getting good at this stuff! Until Jack's next question: "What if you couldn't take care of Paxten?" left unspoken but expressed in his face was "Would you give HER away?". My assurance that Steve and I had planned for our children so that we were sure we could take care of them was met with "but what if you couldn't?"

Luckily the toaster strudels popped and all was right with the world again. I wish I could brush off my concerns as easily.

The discussion has left me wondering lots of things; how do we assure our children that Annie's fate with respect to her first family is not a possibilty for them? How do we ease Annie's fears that the loss of her first family, and the loss of her orphanage family, is not the beginning repetative pattern? How do I present Annie's past to her and her siblings in a manner that displays her first parents with the grace, dignity and respect they deserve? How do I emphasize the love and growth in our family Annie will bring over the loss, sacrifice and heartbreak she will suffer on her way?

Elliot was easier to appease with explanations. It simply IS, to him. He announced proudly - "We can put 'Annie' on the empty chair!" Perhaps I need to take a breath and watch my little one accept the truth as it is and as it's meant to be without worrying about the what if's and worst cases.