Today is just like any other... the kids woke us up to watch cartoons in our bed (one of my favourite things), Steve went to the gym and I muscled the kids to get ready and out the door to go swimming (for fun, not for lessons). We came home and had sandwiches and icecream. Now Jack is trying on his new-to-him hockey gear "just for fun", Elliot is playing FarmVille on Facebook and the girls are trashing the room by spreading their dressup box, rearranging all the chairs and taking the pillows off the couches. A very typical chaotic day in the Sampson home...
One year ago it was anything but. Some families call this "Gotcha Day" meaning the day they finally "got" their kid(s). Some think that's a horrible term and choose "Metcha Day" since it's the day they MET their kid(s). I don't have any strong adversion to "Gotcha Day", I think it's kinda cute, and figure she "got" us as much as we "got" her... but I prefer "Family Day" because it remembers that though we were separated by the entire globe, we became a family of six. We didn't just "get" our daughter, we were blessed with a mei mei girl as well.
So here we are a year later having a very average day, and there's no where I'd rather be, or nothing else I'd rather be doing.
N
Happy Family Day Part II
I wasn't sure if I should edit this post or post a new one to add this story, but felt it important that a reader hears about our day first. After some swimming time, a good lunch, some movies on the couch, I suggested we get out or China videos and watch Wen's "gotcha" moment, when we first met her in Lanzhou. She seemed eager too, what three year old doesn't LOVE seeing her own face on tv? She appeared on the screen in her red jumper outfit, clutching her photo album with her stuffed turtle on the cord around her neck. She commentated from the couch "There's ME! I have my book!" Beside her was the lady from the orphanage who brought her to us, and who met us the next day when the official adoption was completed. In my mind I've called her "The Lady in a Yellow Shirt" b/c she wore a yellow shirt and is in lots of our pictures of that day. I've shown Wen those pictures casually over the past year, and as her English grew, asked her questions like "Who is that lady?" and "what is her name?". I always got a noncommital "I dunno". Today she said "I have my book!" and then "Look! There's my teacher!". The commentation continued, "I'm sitting in my teacher's lap!" I got a neat picture of her standing by the tv pointing at herself on the screen and grinning from ear to ear - so happy! She returned to sit beside me and grew quiet as we watched. On the screen she sat in her Teacher's lap as Steve and I did everything short of standing on our heads to entertain her and gain smiles. She's much more nervous and upset than my memory told me, perhaps knowing what our happy girl is usually like I can see more of just how upset she was that day. As we watched, AnnaWen started sucking her fingers and seemed a little teary, but it was difficult to tell if she was actually teary or if she was rubbing spit from her fingers on her face... I snuggled her close and we kept watching - I wanted to see the part where Steve pretended to steal her M&M and made her burst into tears, because it's really very funny to see - or so I thought. I knew the part was coming so I said "here it is! There's the M&M... I gave it to AnnaWen... and then Daddy... SNATCHED IT!" On screen AnnaWen burst into tears and on the couch the kids started to laugh. Then in my lap Wen started to cry. Sob, really. She burrowed into my shoulder, wrapped her arms around my neck and held on for dear life as she cried and cried and cried. I asked her why she was sad and she ignored the question. I asked if she was "Sad for her teacher" and she nodded. Eventually I took her to our bedroom and laid down with her, wrapping around her as tight as I could. I didn't know what to do. I wanted her to know it was okay to be sad and scared and mad, and okay to cry, and I was afraid that trying to cheer her up would negate all that... but I wanted to cheer her up too. I asked her more questions "Do you want to tell mommy?" No. "Are you sad?" Yes. "Are you sad b/c you miss Teacher?" Yes. "Do you want to sing?" No. "Do you want me to sing to you?" Yes. We laid in bed and I sang a few songs, including Rudolph b/c even though I have four kids I know a pathetically few songs... I tried to be silly, but then felt guilty for trying to distract her. I told her over and over it was okay to be sad, it was okay to cry. Eventually the silly parts in my songs elicited a smile, then a grin, then a giggle. Finally she asked to go watch the videos the rest of them were watching. We returned to the living room and snuggled some more. When it was time for me to take the boys to their music class, she wanted to go with me and I could hardly deny it.
I've said over the past year that AnnaWen's transition has gone relatively easily - much easier than other families, much easier than our worst fears... While we've seen aggression and attitude from her that I assumed was due to her adjustment, this is the first time we've seen heart ache and sadness that we knew was because of her move. I've shown her her Teachers' face many times, with no reaction. I knew these times would come, and knew I'd be at a loss of what to do or say... but I wasn't ready for the FEELING of helplessness.. All I could do was hold her, and cry with her, and tell her that we love her... and what else is there to do?
So a very happy day for all of us, but a good reminder of what is lost for one.
N again.
One year ago it was anything but. Some families call this "Gotcha Day" meaning the day they finally "got" their kid(s). Some think that's a horrible term and choose "Metcha Day" since it's the day they MET their kid(s). I don't have any strong adversion to "Gotcha Day", I think it's kinda cute, and figure she "got" us as much as we "got" her... but I prefer "Family Day" because it remembers that though we were separated by the entire globe, we became a family of six. We didn't just "get" our daughter, we were blessed with a mei mei girl as well.
So here we are a year later having a very average day, and there's no where I'd rather be, or nothing else I'd rather be doing.
N
Happy Family Day Part II
I wasn't sure if I should edit this post or post a new one to add this story, but felt it important that a reader hears about our day first. After some swimming time, a good lunch, some movies on the couch, I suggested we get out or China videos and watch Wen's "gotcha" moment, when we first met her in Lanzhou. She seemed eager too, what three year old doesn't LOVE seeing her own face on tv? She appeared on the screen in her red jumper outfit, clutching her photo album with her stuffed turtle on the cord around her neck. She commentated from the couch "There's ME! I have my book!" Beside her was the lady from the orphanage who brought her to us, and who met us the next day when the official adoption was completed. In my mind I've called her "The Lady in a Yellow Shirt" b/c she wore a yellow shirt and is in lots of our pictures of that day. I've shown Wen those pictures casually over the past year, and as her English grew, asked her questions like "Who is that lady?" and "what is her name?". I always got a noncommital "I dunno". Today she said "I have my book!" and then "Look! There's my teacher!". The commentation continued, "I'm sitting in my teacher's lap!" I got a neat picture of her standing by the tv pointing at herself on the screen and grinning from ear to ear - so happy! She returned to sit beside me and grew quiet as we watched. On the screen she sat in her Teacher's lap as Steve and I did everything short of standing on our heads to entertain her and gain smiles. She's much more nervous and upset than my memory told me, perhaps knowing what our happy girl is usually like I can see more of just how upset she was that day. As we watched, AnnaWen started sucking her fingers and seemed a little teary, but it was difficult to tell if she was actually teary or if she was rubbing spit from her fingers on her face... I snuggled her close and we kept watching - I wanted to see the part where Steve pretended to steal her M&M and made her burst into tears, because it's really very funny to see - or so I thought. I knew the part was coming so I said "here it is! There's the M&M... I gave it to AnnaWen... and then Daddy... SNATCHED IT!" On screen AnnaWen burst into tears and on the couch the kids started to laugh. Then in my lap Wen started to cry. Sob, really. She burrowed into my shoulder, wrapped her arms around my neck and held on for dear life as she cried and cried and cried. I asked her why she was sad and she ignored the question. I asked if she was "Sad for her teacher" and she nodded. Eventually I took her to our bedroom and laid down with her, wrapping around her as tight as I could. I didn't know what to do. I wanted her to know it was okay to be sad and scared and mad, and okay to cry, and I was afraid that trying to cheer her up would negate all that... but I wanted to cheer her up too. I asked her more questions "Do you want to tell mommy?" No. "Are you sad?" Yes. "Are you sad b/c you miss Teacher?" Yes. "Do you want to sing?" No. "Do you want me to sing to you?" Yes. We laid in bed and I sang a few songs, including Rudolph b/c even though I have four kids I know a pathetically few songs... I tried to be silly, but then felt guilty for trying to distract her. I told her over and over it was okay to be sad, it was okay to cry. Eventually the silly parts in my songs elicited a smile, then a grin, then a giggle. Finally she asked to go watch the videos the rest of them were watching. We returned to the living room and snuggled some more. When it was time for me to take the boys to their music class, she wanted to go with me and I could hardly deny it.
I've said over the past year that AnnaWen's transition has gone relatively easily - much easier than other families, much easier than our worst fears... While we've seen aggression and attitude from her that I assumed was due to her adjustment, this is the first time we've seen heart ache and sadness that we knew was because of her move. I've shown her her Teachers' face many times, with no reaction. I knew these times would come, and knew I'd be at a loss of what to do or say... but I wasn't ready for the FEELING of helplessness.. All I could do was hold her, and cry with her, and tell her that we love her... and what else is there to do?
So a very happy day for all of us, but a good reminder of what is lost for one.
N again.
4 comments:
OMG...I am bawling!!! So beautifully written. It is a very happy moment but also so painful. You told me about this and NOW, I get it!!!!!!!!! Still...she is SO lucky to be in YOUR FAMILY!!!!!!!!!
Touching.
I feel for Annawen, however you responded very well and you're right, you try and prepare youself for that moment, but really there is not a lot you can do than hold her and let her know you love her.
She is a little older but I know Lilah's day will come soon...I sometimes wonder at what stage she will start to really understand?
Jill
What an incredible post!
I've sat with Hanlin and asked him about China, we've gone through photos and the album from the foster family. But he flatly refuses to speak of them! He says he doesn't remember.
I know he is blocking things for now.. I think its easier for him right now, but I know there will be a time, when he finally opens up, and then the emotions will flow...
Krista
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