Happy Holidays!

Merry Christmas!!!

Christmas Eve is suddenly here - how does that happen? Steve took the kids to a work luncheon and some last minute errands, but I stayed home to get things ready. I was up into the wee hours wrapping presents - all done! I've prepared brunch for tomorrow, ready to go in the oven. I've made the potatoes and carrots/turnip dish ready to be reheated for supper. Things are cleaned up, radio and tree are on... it's peaceful for thinking.

I love Christmas. I always have, but the past six have been more incredible than I'd ever imagine before kids. My Munsters are off the wall excited. Me too. I can't wait... but I'm also anxious that it's passing too fast. Christmas should be a week long celebration, not one day - it's just over too fast.

With the house quiet, I'm thinking a lot about Anna. This isn't the first Christmas we're expecting a child. We found out six years ago tomorrow we were expecting Jack. I was halfway through my pregnancy with Elliot at Christmas. Only my little Christmas baby did not spend a Christmas in the oven. In many ways I feel the same way... anticipation of an addition next year, for next Christmas. However, those of you who are immersed in the IA culture know the thought "She'll be here for NEXT Christmas" is dangerous. With the sudden and extreme slowdown in Chinese adoptions many, many families have spent a second and third Christmas without the child they dreamed of the first Christmas. Many families thought "Next Christmas she'll be here..." only to find themselves in the same place the year after, and even the year after that. I'm afraid to think it, almost as if thinking that may be a jinx that will endanger the possibility of it coming true. I am confident we'll receive a referral in 2008 - March or June - which leaves us lots of time to travel to and return from China before the holiday season next year. Somehow thinking that is totally different from the simple thought "she'll be here".

I'm BLESSED to have my Munsters, for countless reasons and only one small one is related to the adoption. I have written and said in the past that waiting for a child is the same whether it's your first or second or last, and the frustration, anxiety, longing we feel for Anna is different but just as strong as that felt in families awaiting their first child. But at Christmas I concede it must be easier for me. The kids are the centre of the day, the most important thing in the world and for tomorrow I suspect it'll be easier to set aside our missing Anna to soak up their presence and excitement and belief.

The happiest of holidays to you and your family. May 2008 bring you one year closer to fulfilling your dreams. For my friends waiting for children; she's coming.

Natalie, Steve, Jack, Elliot, Paxten Julia and somewhere, Anna.