Snow Day Rambles

All across NS the schools are closed today. I'm a bit surprized b/c it's not that bad, but we all enjoyed the extra 45mins of sleep this morning and I've enjoyed a quiet day watching my three munsters play. They've gotten along today, which is a nice change.

I'm so ready for winter to be over. It's cold and dark and dreary, and it makes it hard to be positive about anything else.

I don't want to whine or complain. I have asked Steve a couple times lately "Am I a whiner or a wimp? or has our luck been as bad lately as it feels?" Sometimes the world seems against us and it's an uphill battle to achieve anything we set out to do. Lately, this theme has appeared in our adoption process, in our work lives, in our family life... it's exhausting.

A well meaning friend said to me "And if it doesn't work, you still have three healthy kids." Believe me, I know that. I'm grateful for them every day, and *almost* every minute (barring tantrums, violence, attitude and poop accidents LOL). This can be said about work; why stress or worry about expanding and growing if I have a successful clinic right now? The truth is, we have invisioned our family and our business and worked consistently towards that vision. We have conducted our businesses with professionalism, empathy and honesty. I never expected it to be easy, and I think I've met every challenge, but lately it seems everything I try to accomplish is a fight. I have wondered if it's worth it. But that's just work.

We are blessed with our three kids. That doesn't make us ache for Anna any less. She is real in our plans and minds and hearts. Having and loving our kids keeps us busy, but it doesn't deminish our desire or need to find Anna and bring her home. I will always be grateful for the children we have, but I'll miss Anna until we bring her home - and if it doesn't happen, I don't think that's something I'll get over.

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