Complacency

Eleven months (and 6 days) in, Heaven only knows how many left to go...

Some rumours insist a speed up is around the corner and we'll be over and home again sometime next winter (2008/2009). More rumours suggest the wait will stabilize and we're looking at two more years (Fall 2009). Most rumours relent the wait will continue to grow and we're in for a long haul (Fall 2010 to fall 2011). A few rumours worry the programme will collapse and we'll not find Anna in China at all... if at all... I need to ignore those ones.

Tonight I find I'm in a rare place of complacency. It's hard to determine if I'm accepting or numb, if I've dealt with the truth or given up on fighting it. Is there a difference? The wait will be what it is. I pray there's a daughter who needs us as much as we need her at the end of it. Tonight, I'm resigned to the fact that we've done all we can do and the plan will unfold as it is meant to.

Jack has started school and seems to be doing well. Elliot asks several times throughout the day where he is (although he knows he's at 'Big School') and when we can go pick him up. Elliot and PJ have been playing well together in Jack's absense, which is nice to see. Elliot is very proud of being in preschool twice a week and asks daily if it's "a preschool day". Paxten Julia and I enjoy one morning together just the two of us, which she's never really had being the third baby to a self-employed mom. All three kids are in music classes (PJ and E together, Jack with Steve in a second class), and Jack and E are in swimming lessons. Between their schedules and work, things range from hectic to utter chaos most of the time and the silence after bedtime (check that, after the boys give up and fall asleep) can be deafening. They are happy kids - tonight, PJ and a Whoopie Cushion was all it took to send the three of them into gales of laughter on the way home. They're awesome kids - who wouldn't want another?

I hope this numbness lasts for a bit longer. I suspect jealousy, bitterness, impatience and frustration will return with avengence around the beginning of October when a disappointing set of referrals is released, until then it's nice not to brood.

N